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Born Again: A Journey From Daughter of the Kingdom to Sacred Feminine Goddess, Part 11

May 27, 2010

Read Part 10 here.

I am a seeker. I am searching. I am expecting. I am on a journey in search of a holy grail of sorts.

As I continue to put together this story of my journey out of religion and into faith and spirituality, the realization of what it is I am seeking has begun to take shape. I am not sure I knew what I was seeking when I started this journey. I’m not sure I even knew what I was seeking last week as I began to write this story. I just knew I hadn’t found whatever “it” is in the places I should have been able to find it….

So what is the “it” I am seeking?

This seems to be an ever-evolving list, but for now, I think there are several things:

I am seeking freedom. I never have been big on following arbitrary rules. They annoy me. My faith experiences should be liberating, not binding.

I am seeking logic without 20 gazillion exceptions to the logic. Let’s move past the legends and get to the real history. What really happened 2000 years ago? Really. Where’s the evidence?

I am seeking a miraculous experience that defies logic. If all those amazing and cool things REALLY did happen back then, and if Jesus was straight up when he said their sons and daughters would do even greater things than these, then I expect my dose of amazing. I’m waiting…….

I am seeking respect and dignity. My thoughts and perceptions are a bit out of the ordinary for this neck of the woods. It’s okay. Let me have my opinions without judging them as right or wrong. There’s not really enough evidence to render a verdict in most cases anyway.

I am seeking a tribe with whom I can hang and not feel like I am a fish to be caught (or re-caught). Thank GOD (and Al Gore) for the internet. Okay….yeah….that was a bit tongue in cheek. But seriously, technology is doing a fine job of keeping my sanity intact. I am not crazy. I am an intelligent person. There are plenty of other intelligent “allowing” people out there. It’s nice to know they exist and will occasionally talk to me.

I am seeking equality as a woman. The male dominance/authority in religion thing has got to chill.

I am seeking release. I keep finding little burrs to dig out from under my skin….little irritants that I want to release, but that have their spiny little tenticles entrenched in my soul. It’s time for them to go away. Forever. Goodbye.

I am seeking the Jesus of Biblical legend. The one that healed the sick and restored the lame and the blind. The one who felt the energy leave his body when a woman put her hand inside his auric field to touch his cloak. The one who took a little kid’s lunch and fed a whole lotta people. The one who loved skanky women and little children and lepers. The one who cried when he arrived too late to save his friend’s life.  The one who connected with people and loved them. The one who pissed off the leadership and got himself racked up on a big nasty pole to suffocate to death.

That Jesus.

I’ve seen glimpses of him, but not where I expected to find him.

Finally, I am seeking to find myself. All of me. All of the divine, powerful, feminine goddess that is me connected to Mother Earth and all things in the universe.

Indiana Jones couldn’t begin to survive this adventure.

2 Comments leave one →
  1. May 27, 2010 2:34 PM

    I think if you keep moving toward the last thing – all the rest will fall into place.

    • May 27, 2010 2:47 PM

      Yep. Thinking that if I keep my focus there instead of looking over my shoulder behind me things will work out.

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