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My Willpower is Confused

March 18, 2010

Dictionary.com defines willpower as control of one’s impulses and actions; self-control.

Apparently mine is in a state of total confusion right  now.

Yesterday I blogged about body image as it relates to massage, then I took three of my girls to the dentist and the subsequent and inevitable shopping adventure. Understand that shopping is one of my least favorite activities for a couple of reasons. First, I have issues with money. It’s complicated, but let’s just say that they lie somewhere between a spending addiction and a guilt complex.

Second, I have a few body issues of my own. Things aren’t staying put in the places I think they “ort” to be. I don’t know who designs fashions for us “tweeners” (that’d be someone in between the perky hard-body and those that have established themselves as a frequent shopper in Lane Bryant), but they need to go back to design school. Their stuff doesn’t usually fit our bodies in a way that makes us LOVE shopping. Top that off with the fact that the designated shopping day will likely be accompanied by a case of bloating, and it makes for a less than pleasant experience.

Therefore, shopping usually equals a huge reality check for my wellness-wanna-be personality. And of course, it did.

I have had periods in my life when I made a firm resolve to forever change the way I live. I adopt new eating habits, I establish an exercise routine, and I torture my family with both. My willpower ROCKS!!! Then, like an alcoholic who thinks one drink can’t hurt, I fall off that wagon. I just haven’t figured out why my wagon has to be scaling up the Matterhorn with me sitting cliff side. It seems that when I fall off that wagon, I fall WAY off.

I think my willpower slips a cog and begins to think “will” means “Yes, I will…have six, that is. There’s power in numbers, right?”

Slipping it back into proper alignment seems to require more than setting an occasional good intention after a day of trying on clothing. “Won’t Power” certainly doesn’t work. Nixing the Sonic Route 44 Sweet Tea with extra ice won’t keep me from going to get one at 2:30 every day. My 7:30 am good intentions seem to leap off that wagon cliff side at 2:29 pm. For that matter, I usually start leaning to the side by about 12:30, so by the  time 2:30 rolls around, I’m already free-falling. Nope, won’t power just won’t cut it. I have to reprogram the willpower.

So today, I focus on what I will do to rebuild my willpower. I will eat breakfast. As a matter of fact, I am eating this and it’s actually pretty good. I will park a little farther out in the parking lot today. I will eat something raw with every meal. I will consume some water. I will stretch at least some. Little by little, I will–I am–reprogramming myself once again towards wellness.

In the meantime, I won’t be washing my new jeans in anything that even suggests heat.

Does your willpower ever get confused? What are some things you can do to begin the reprogramming process?

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